Kicked my son out of the house. Now I want him back but don’t know how to make it happen and still retain any authority over him.
I have always had a close relationship with my 16 year old son. As a single mother, we’ve been through a lot together over the years and he is a big part of my life.
For the last couple of years he has started in with a really bad crowd and they have totally changed the way he behaves and his attitude towards me. I have caught him with marijuana and alcohol and some kind of pills and half the time I can’t tell if he is high or just sullen and ignoring. He also has a girlfriend who seems to have no parental supervision at all and very little shame. I will come home to see the 2 of them on the couch together and they barely even stop until I get angry. It is very hard for me to watch. They seem to find me a joke.
His grades are terrible. He drinks and uses drugs. He breaks the law. He is sexually active and has explicit content on his phone and computer that I find disgusting and that he barely feels the need to conceal from me.
Last week the police brought him home drunk. They did not press charges but I was fed up and grounded him for a month for his behavior. He said he was too old to be grounded like some little kid. The next night he went out the window and went out to the park again to hang with his friends and didn’t come home until 2 in the morning. He knew I’d know and he just didn’t care. He was challenging me. I told him he was grounded for 2 months and if he couldn’t respect the rules of the house he couldn’t live here anymore.
When I woke up the next morning he was gone and had taken a bag of his things with him. That was about 5 days ago. I have talked to him on the phone and know he is staying at his friend’s apartment, with no parents present. He seems to be having a fine time and he says that I kicked him out, which is not true. I feel like he knows I’m worried about him and he is punishing me by acting like he’s happy to be gone.
I want him to come back home because I know that as badly as he treats me and as badly as he behaves, at least I know he is safe. Now, I lay awake at night worrying about him. But how do I get him to come back without losing any authority I have over him? I mean, I made an ultimatum and he made a joke of it. If I ask him to come home won’t he be able to do whatever he wants…not that would be so terribly different from before though.